“If there’s a road I should walk help me find it; if I need to be still give me peace for the moment.” — these lyrics in the Sidewalk Prophets song “Help Me Find it” have described my current predicament in the past few months all too well.
Two years ago, before I started my freshman year at Boston University, I decided I wanted to make my pathway there a faith walk. The bible is packed with stories that reveal just how faithful God is when we ignore human reasoning and wholeheartedly put our trust in Him, so that’s what I’ve been doing semester after semester at BU. Ignoring my circumstances, and financial struggles in order to allow my God to wow me, and those around me with His awesome ability to perform miracles great and small.
The aforementioned song “Help Me Find It” resonates with me because its lyrics portray exactly how I’ve been feeling throughout this faith walk. My God is good and faithful, but I’m a human and I’m scared. I trust Him, and know that He has the best plans for me. Though it’s scary not knowing what those plans are. At times I have a faith high where I know He won’t let me down; where I know I’ll be back at BU in the fall. At other times, I still know He won’t let me down; the difference with the latter knowledge is the fact that that truth about HIm means that any path, BU, or not BU He prepares for me for the fall is the best path. I have faith in my God, but it’s a constant struggle when I don’t know where He’s taking me. When I question whether or not He wants me to blindly continue to follow, or if He wants me to take an action in another direction. It’s an up and down roller coaster with my mind.
Today, I’m choosing to blindly continue to follow. I’m choosing to have faith, and to believe that my God knows what’s best for me– even when I don’t.