With Valentine’s Day around the corner, I felt the need to blog about 7 things I’ve learned about dating.
1) Being in a relationship sucks sometimes.
In movies they make it seem as though a relationship is the answer to all of ones questions and problems, that once you find your “one true love” all will be right and happy in the world (Disney especially gets the blame for this). In typical Hollywood formula most films show the process of getting together followed by the fight where we think it’s over then, TA DA, the couple makes up, kisses, and rides off into the sunset and they live happily ever after. Meanwhile in real life relationships require a lot of time, work and selflessness. There are times when the other person will frustrate and drive you crazy and you’ll do the same to them and those are the times when you have to humble yourself and be prepared to apologize and/or forgive. Those latter two steps are far from easy, but if you’re with the right person, those two steps are more than worth it.
2) You cannot just fall into the street and meet Mr. Right
Contrary to what Anna in Frozen and many other females think (myself at one point included), the perfect relationship won’t necessarily come from meeting a stranger on the street so ladies, please stop dreaming. The stranger who helps you up after you fall or that does a random good deed is likely just that, a stranger that did a good deed. The best relationships often come out of friendships. They come from that place when you spend time with someone, getting to know who they really are and being comfortable showing them who you really are. I’m not saying that you have to be friends with someone before dating them, but I am saying that there’s something incredible when you find love in the place you least expected it.
3) A relationship will not make you feel any more secure
If you look in the mirror and fail to see what a beautiful, wonderful person you are when you’re single, you’re certainly not going to be able to see it when you have someone else telling you. Any insecurities and worries you may have are actually likely magnified in a relationship because rather than knowing you’re an incredible person for yourself, you’ll constantly wait for the other person to give you that affirmation and if/when they don’t give it to you, you’ll feel disappointed. Know you’re beautiful because that is how God made you, as a beautiful human being that is unique in every way.
4) Your crush that you think would make a perfect boyfriend won’t
Too many times females have the bad habit of falling for a guy that will not fall back. We spend time over analyzing and strategizing ways to talk to them while we obsessively rant to our friends about why they’re so perfect (those that don’t know what I’m talking about must immediately watch He’s Just Not That Into You). If you’re that antsy about a crush that you either barely know or know very well, then chances are that you don’t like them, you just are in love with the idea of them. To be in love with the idea of someone is to idolize that person and to prepare oneself for heartbreak, disappointment, rejection– you name it.
5) Do not date someone just because they like you
People want to be wanted, which is fine, but also not fine. If your desire to be wanted is so strong that you’re willing to be with someone for the sake of it, then that’s a problem. Of course you can date someone that’s interested to see if there’s a chance there, but if after many dates, their feelings are growing and yours are still none existent you should absolutely cut it off for the sake of their feelings and your own. Feelings can develop in time, but why would you wanna force something that may never come. I guarantee you, if that person loves you and you’re with them for the wrong reasons– I hate to be cliche, but– when the going gets tough, you’re going to get going. And at that point even if you don’t romantically have feelings for that person, you’ll still care about them and you will feel awful when you hurt them.
6) Everything happens for a reason
Every rejection, every heartbreak and every tear is for a reason. Don’t analyze the reason, just accept the moment and cherish its lesson. Cherish singleness especially. There’s something divine you’re learning in it, be it strength to stand on your own or the ability to make more time showing love to a multitude of people. So embrace and be wise with your time as a lone ranger.
7) Just do it!
When you’ve found the person that isn’t perfect, that drives you crazy, that you can be yourself around, that makes you happy, that challenges you to be a better person and that doesn’t just make you feel loved, but that you love, go for it and cherish them. Because I recently realized that it’s not just about being in any relationship, it’s about giving up your singleness for the person who’s worth it.