A Tidbit on Dreams

Whenever I dream I define my dreams in one of three ways: lies from the enemy, gifts from God or cries from my subconscious. I won’t go to into depth on the first 2 categories because they’re hard to explain unless you believe in the bible and the gifts of the Holy Spirit. The cries from my subconscious are the ones I will discuss because I’ve been having a lot of these of late and I’ve come to hate and love them at the very same time.

I hate them because they force me to confirm the existence of my deepest fears and desires. Sometimes I wake up with relief until I realize what felt real was merely a dream. Other times I wake up disheartened and frightened. Yet, I love them. My affinity for them comes from the truth they reveal that I cannot outrun. When awake, I surmise that there are feelings and pains that don’t exist in me anymore because I’ve moved on from them. Yet, my dreams reveal how blatantly wrong I am. They confess my inner truths, yet they don’t set me free (yeah, this is why I hate them…). They send me in a spiral with my mind. Those first few minutes after I wake up leave me to question which of the three categories I must place that dream under…

Believe it or not it’s these dreams, ones birthed from my inner self, that leave me the most unsettled… As my hate and love for them, simultaneously grow in a paradox of sorts my mind grapples with what it believes to be true and what is actually true.

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