It’s Messy

For the past 24 hours, I’ve done something I usually don’t do– I’ve paid attention to the news and its coverage of the Freddie Gray / Baltimore situation and it has left my mind in a messy state.

I spend my days preoccupied with my writing, exercising and Jesus time; anything that doesn’t fit into these categories gets an iota of my attention. Yet, the Freddie Gray case and Baltimore protests have been the exceptions. They have forced me to step out of my bubble, take off my blinders and peek at what goes on in the rest of the world and what I’ve seen thus far is chaotic, wicked and downright depressing.

The more I watch the news, the more I remember why I don’t usually watch the news: I hate feeling such rage. From seeing Fox reporters antagonizing protestors; to hearing the details of what happened to Gray after he was illegally detained; to later seeing cops attack people who were on the streets after the curfew; to hearing Sean Hannity defame Gray’s character in order to repaint the negative portrait of him; I am left at a loss for words. It is beyond my grasp to fathom how people can behave so reprehensibly.

As a child of God, I know that my heart should be pure; that I should point people to Jesus and prayer, but when I watch the news the aforementioned things are nearly impossible. A bitterness swells up in me along with an argumentative, vengeful spirit that I can hardly contain; my emotions become a mess. I see things as white vs. black/ black vs. blue; I judge people and I hope bad things happen to those that are making these things worse. I am generally an understanding person that tries to see things from a Christlike perspective ; so if these news stories can ignite such anger in me, it’s no wonder those more directly affected and/or those who don’t care about the consequences of their actions choose violence as the answer.

My intention in this post isn’t merely to justify negative actions or to complain (though I know I’ve done both); rather it’s to share the messiness in my heart at this moment. I’m so used to having my emotions very centered by the Holy Spirit so when this type of anger wells in me, it feels strange. I don’t like it one bit, but I’ve come to accept it as a necessary evil that reminds me of the broken world we’re living in. This messiness in me also reminds me why it is so important to offer people Christ as an option because what I have felt temporarily over the past 24 hours is likely what a good many feel all the time; (I especially include cops in that statement because it must take a special anger within someone to treat human lives so callously). Note, I say “offer” Jesus because everyone doesn’t want Him in their life- I’ve learned that the hard, embarrassing way.

Well to sum up my rambling post, I just have to say: people, try to show care and love to as many around you as you can. This world is full of injustices, natural disasters, diseases, poverty and etc. and while I can’t guarantee that love is the answer to dispel the messiness in all of these arenas, I can say it’s a good place to start.

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